Moving forward in life is something we ALL have to do! I mean, we can try and live in the past, try and hold on to this moment for as long as we can, but lets face it, it won't work. I would love to hold on to every drop of the past (well not everything of course but most). I collect things that hold precious memories, even when they are not even precious themselves, ie. teeny tiny letters that my BF wrote me when we were in high school, jewelry that I never wear, which a friend who has now passed gave me. There may seem like there is nothing wrong with this, which there isn't, except to say that I have nooks and crannys in my house that hold these small insignificant things which clutter up my house. When in reality, I never look at half of these things, but the memories are still in my head right? Therefore, I don't need to keep anything extra than I need because all the memories are always with me. Am I right?
Then why is it when I look at the cot, the rocking chair and various other baby items left over from Asher, that this whole logical reasoning goes out the window? This brings me to the trouble with moving forward... Ok, go with me here for a moment... Imagine that there are strings tied to your heart and every experience you have is attached to them. Now because those experiences are in the past and you are moving forward, what happens? OUCH! That's right! They stay there and your heart strings are pulled or snapped! Now, you are about where I am at now. The possiblilty of Asher being the only baby that we ever have, is actually ok with me. I mean, sure, I would like another, but if that is what God's will is for our lives then I am at peace with it. So, when deciding that we would get rid of some of the things we have - ie the cot etc, it should be pretty straight forward. But its not, because as much as I want Asher to grow up and be independent, it means letting go of the baby I once had and as I may never have that experience again it is one I want to hold on to for longer than allowed.
I mean isn't this just the sweetest kid! (Yes that is REALLY my Asher!)
Am simply speaking right out my head and heart here, so sorry if this is a mess, but just thinking out loud. I wonder if all mother's go through this? Is it this hard to give up a cot, I mean really?
3 comments:
Yes it is that hard! I am very much the same - I have a box of notes from high school, knick-knacks from my childhood and tonnes of other little 'sentimental' things squirrelled away around the house. My justification has always been, 'maybe my kids will want to look at that one day'. However, if I really think about it, it's just going to be a bunch of old junk to them because they don't have the memories attached.
I had a thought whilst reading this blog of yours....maybe if you must throw things away you could write down each item as you go and journal the memories and moments that are attached to it. I think the holding on is sometimes fear of losing those precious moments to our faulty memories...this way you still have them but they're much more compact!
Oh Debb, I am the same, I have my memory box under the bed, and bits and pieces around the place... I love the idea of the journal! I hope that you can make some of these hard decisions, and for you to be enabled to move on. :)
(this coming from someone who wants to keep almost every picture/drawing her kids do...)
Oh wow - scary - I had enough trouble today dismantling the cot in my "baby" Alex's room, even when its just being dismantled for a few months until the new baby arrives! I can't imagine how hard it would be actually getting rid of it all together - but it will be nice to have your own craft space - i'd love that!!
I really like Anna's idea of a journal too :)
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