The Mummy Guilts

Why do we get "Mummy Guilt"?  I am frankly quite over it myself!  I have come to recently realise that physical problems I have been having are more than likely caused by stress.  Stress!  I am a stay at home mum who couldn't even possibly think of working another job.  Its not like we are sitting pretty on one income and therefore I don't need to work another job, but it is a decision we made before we had children that I would stay at home and look after them for as long as I could.  There are days, however, that I do longingly watch my handsome hubby drive out the driveway and wish it was me.  I have tried to explain to him how wonderful he actually has it but to no avail.  The thought of a car trip for 30-45mins alone, with no one else's voice except your own.  No squealing, no whining, no fighting, no idle threats (cause lets face it what can you do in a moving vehicle, you can't actually go back there!).  Sigh! To sit at a desk where the interruptions you get are from other adults asking you to do something grown up or check if you want coffee or go for lunch.  As opposed to the interruptions of having to clean up the milk you just cleaned up twice, or being asked what exactly you are doing in the toilet, to the age old interruption of having to pick up a small person only to discover their lower part needs attention and you step on the minefield of Lego bricks on the way to fix said small person.

I do love being a mum, and all the wonderful things it brings, good and bad (well not so much the bad, but isn't that what makes the good so good?).  The consistency and monotony of it all I can deal with (as long as the occasional time out with a bestie is allowed for), however, what I can't deal with is the guilt!  We all have it.  You.  Me.  That lady yelling at her kid down the street (which could possibly be me some days).  It is relentless and never goes away!  Did I pack enough for lunch? Did I have them wear the right clothes to keep them warm/cool enough? Should I let him cry for a short while or a long while? Will he be scarred later in life if I don't go in and give him the 10th cuddle for the night?  I probably shouldn't have yelled that much this morning. All these thoughts riddle me from the day to day and usually they can all happen at once and all before 8am and a good coffee!

It is terribly hard to not compare ourselves to other mums, weather it be our friends, the lady down the street, the woman at the supermarket or even our own mum.  We either look at others and think we are failing or that they are and then that in turn leads to us wondering what others think of us! (Vicious cycle huh!)  So, how do we combat mummy guilt?  How indeed?

Well after thinking and posing this question on Facebook (as you do),I am leaping to my own conclusion..

It's friends. 

I am super blessed as I have a couple of sources from who I gain encouragement from.  I was fortunate to make some very close friends last year at school and we catch up about once a month or more if we can and chat through our difficulties and as all of them have boys as their eldest we have that in common as well.  (Mothering boys is interesting, but that is a whole other blog post!).  I also have my life long dear friend who I try to meet with at least once a week and we spill our worries and cares to each other and console and encourage each other.  Without her I would not be the semi sane mother/woman I am today.  I do know though, that many women don't have such a friend like this and therefore carry this guilt alone.  I am sure you won't have to look far for another mum to encourage you. 

PS. When discussing things with your friends, NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER EVER talk about your kids in front of them.  Find a time you can do it without them or if they are young enough then don't assume they can't understand!