When the sun peeks through the grey sky.

Ive had a few rough mummy days. This is probably an understatement but let's go with that.  Yes. Rough. Grey skies and no joy. This afternoon my mum called me and encouraged me and then prayed for me over the phone. I really love that she does this. It was the sword I needed to cut through those grey clouds. It gave me the lift in my spirit to pick myself up and keep going. We even went out for dinner (which helped as well)! Praise God!

Welcome 2014!

Have you made any resolutions for the year? I don't usually because I can never keep them.  However, I did this year. You want to see what they are?

Yes that's them!  

What's yours?

PS It's my birthday tomorrow... 

When you feel like you are failing.

More and more of late i have been feeling unsettled.  I don't know if it this time of year or not.  All year I have gradually become more and more antsy.  To the point where some days I will catch myself doing things and I don't like the person who has done them... Like this week, I just realised that every time one of my boys starts crying I have an immediate reaction to go cross them instead of showing compassion and tending to them.  Today, however I noticed I wasn't the only one.  My eldest  had just thrown his head back on the couch to watch some tv, and the cushion must have not been on properly because he hit his head on the wooden beam on the back of the couch.  He of course started crying in distress and pain and then my brain flew into action.  After first stopping myself from getting mad, as I was in the middle of doing something, I quickly ran to his side and held him and made sure I asked if he was ok and soothed him.  I then asked my hubby to grab something cold from the freezer to put on it whilst I silently thanked my Lord God that he hadn't split his head open and was bleeding.  Then it happened... while he was searching for the right kind of cold thing in the freezer he uttered these words, "Well see Ash, you should be more careful!".  I quickly told him to not go mad when his son was in pain but at the same time I choked back a tear knowing full well I almost had the same reaction.     I have noticed the dragon lady appear often in my house to my annoyance (and probably everyone else's as well).  Most times it is in the morning just before walking out the door for school or at bed time when two little monkeys won't stay in their beds.

Tonight while I was sitting on the floor of Zion's room waiting of him to go to sleep, (that's a whole other story), I was looking through two books that I bought about this time last year I think.  They are  I love dirt! and Imagine Childhood.  Both are great books and I can recommend them both highly.  However, I realised that I have done next to nothing with them both.  I want to be a natural, resourceful, and fun mum but I have become a mean, strict, sergeant of a mother.  I don't like her.  I also sometimes wonder if my boys will one day end up talking about me on a show such as Dr.Phil or the likes.  

However, there are those moments when you realise that you must be doing something (albeit ever so small) right.  Tonight as we were preparing to go and give gifts to some family members I told Asher that he probably wouldn't be getting anything in return when he gave the gifts.  At first he was about to have a pity party and I told him that if he had a problem with not getting anything then he needed to go to his room and sort it out with God.  As Christmas is more about giving and not getting.   Yes, he is 6 and to most kids that is exactly what they think Christmas is - getting, but we are not raising our boys this way.  After our chat things went back to normal and he changed his attitude and looked forward to giving the gifts.  Then on our way there in the car he simply said, "You know what mum, I don't need any gifts because I have mummy and daddy and God!"  (Completely unexpected proud mummy moment right there.) I told him I was so proud of him and his attitude.  

I am now re-evaluating my priorities... who is first and what needs to go.  Person under construction.

Where did it go?

How did this happen??

This year has once again flown by...

I haven't poured over blogs in such a long time and I am pretty sure I haven't blogged in ages either.. I tried, but never think anything I write to be any good so I am just gonna write and then hit publish - good enough or not..

2014 is fast approaching and I had a wonderful NY resolution to learn how to knit this year... I still am unable and attempts have not been made to try. I have a two year old who demands all my time and attention and a 6 year old who is growing up in what seems to be the back ground.  Mr 6 is now finished prep (for the second time) and I am quite sad about it.  Nothing stays the same forever and now my boy is growing up.  I am wishing Mr 2 would grow up as well but then I know that I will look back on this time and re-wish it all over again.

I am looking at 2014 with wistful eyes hoping and dreaming that it will be a year of change and a year of wonder and a year of simple living and restfulness.  However, that is just the same view I had this time last year I am sure.  Even though that may be the case I have to muster up every ounce of my willpower and hope and dream.  I will even state it here.

2014

Will be a year of change - for me personally in my walk with Jesus, in my role as a wife and my attitude toward mothering.

Will be a year of wonder - I will stop and smell the roses (or any flower I see) and I will marvel at what God has created for me to notice and see.

Will be a year of simple living - my house will get an overhaul and I will remove many things I don't need and say 'no' more often so I can focus on my family and their wellbeing.

Will be a year of restfulness - I will sit at the feet of Jesus more often, I will speak his name more often and I will rest in him more often.

AND

If I get the chance and time to do so, I will learn to knit.

Cheeky boys and crafty mumma...

Been trying to enjoy the toddler of late... sometimes he drives me absolutely crazy (like at 4:20am and calling out at the top of his lungs, or staring me down when I tell him to do something), but he continuously catches me off guard with his cheekiness and cuteness.  He is so different to his big brother, who was full on but not quite as stubborn. I think he drives me nuts because he is shaping up to be much more like me! Oh dear.

Oh yes! He makes me laugh heartily!!!

Now for the crafty mumma bit... I actually have really bad "Tennis Elbow" which I am affectionately renaming "Crochet Elbow" as that is much more accurate!  However, thanks to a lovely brace I have been able to continue to create some lovely things, well, hats actually!!!

The top one is for a friends little baby girl and I found the pattern here. The middle one is a cloche hat which I'm not too sure about, but would love to know what others think. I found this pattern here and adapted it. However I do like her blog and think I will follow her! Then the bottom one is my fave but unfortunately is a little bit big.  I had pinned this and the second hat on Pintrest and am proud of myself for making something I pinned!  I'm still tossing up if I keep it or give it to my youngest brother who has also taken a real liking to it. Find this pattern here. 

Then there is the other boy! Oh he is growing up fast too. We have been learning his first set of "Sight Words" and he is not doing too badly!! I have been having heart swells every time he gets it right or just does his homework without complaining about it!!  This is our latest things to spice up his work...

Thanks to my friend Katherine at Saffron Threads who sent me this link for this Parking Lot game!!! It was a real winner!!!

Thats all for now... I am sure there will be more soon. I must take more photos!!!

The Mummy Guilts

Why do we get "Mummy Guilt"?  I am frankly quite over it myself!  I have come to recently realise that physical problems I have been having are more than likely caused by stress.  Stress!  I am a stay at home mum who couldn't even possibly think of working another job.  Its not like we are sitting pretty on one income and therefore I don't need to work another job, but it is a decision we made before we had children that I would stay at home and look after them for as long as I could.  There are days, however, that I do longingly watch my handsome hubby drive out the driveway and wish it was me.  I have tried to explain to him how wonderful he actually has it but to no avail.  The thought of a car trip for 30-45mins alone, with no one else's voice except your own.  No squealing, no whining, no fighting, no idle threats (cause lets face it what can you do in a moving vehicle, you can't actually go back there!).  Sigh! To sit at a desk where the interruptions you get are from other adults asking you to do something grown up or check if you want coffee or go for lunch.  As opposed to the interruptions of having to clean up the milk you just cleaned up twice, or being asked what exactly you are doing in the toilet, to the age old interruption of having to pick up a small person only to discover their lower part needs attention and you step on the minefield of Lego bricks on the way to fix said small person.

I do love being a mum, and all the wonderful things it brings, good and bad (well not so much the bad, but isn't that what makes the good so good?).  The consistency and monotony of it all I can deal with (as long as the occasional time out with a bestie is allowed for), however, what I can't deal with is the guilt!  We all have it.  You.  Me.  That lady yelling at her kid down the street (which could possibly be me some days).  It is relentless and never goes away!  Did I pack enough for lunch? Did I have them wear the right clothes to keep them warm/cool enough? Should I let him cry for a short while or a long while? Will he be scarred later in life if I don't go in and give him the 10th cuddle for the night?  I probably shouldn't have yelled that much this morning. All these thoughts riddle me from the day to day and usually they can all happen at once and all before 8am and a good coffee!

It is terribly hard to not compare ourselves to other mums, weather it be our friends, the lady down the street, the woman at the supermarket or even our own mum.  We either look at others and think we are failing or that they are and then that in turn leads to us wondering what others think of us! (Vicious cycle huh!)  So, how do we combat mummy guilt?  How indeed?

Well after thinking and posing this question on Facebook (as you do),I am leaping to my own conclusion..

It's friends. 

I am super blessed as I have a couple of sources from who I gain encouragement from.  I was fortunate to make some very close friends last year at school and we catch up about once a month or more if we can and chat through our difficulties and as all of them have boys as their eldest we have that in common as well.  (Mothering boys is interesting, but that is a whole other blog post!).  I also have my life long dear friend who I try to meet with at least once a week and we spill our worries and cares to each other and console and encourage each other.  Without her I would not be the semi sane mother/woman I am today.  I do know though, that many women don't have such a friend like this and therefore carry this guilt alone.  I am sure you won't have to look far for another mum to encourage you. 

PS. When discussing things with your friends, NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER EVER talk about your kids in front of them.  Find a time you can do it without them or if they are young enough then don't assume they can't understand!

I Wonder Woman

As I sit here with my little Mr Tea in my cup, I can't help thinking that I have been kind to him in running him a nice hot bath on this cold evening.  Then I look to see the paw paw cream and Vicks sitting on the bench from when I earlier saved the day for my 6 year old who has the sniffles and a bit of a sore nose. 

As a stay at home mum I sometimes feel like I don't do anything amazing or awesome.  Oh yes I know that being a mum is important but it often doesn't feel like you are very spectacular.  However after seeing those remnants of my helping hand tonight I do feel a bit like Wonder Woman who did save the day for Asher.  I often find myself using words to the effect of "Its ok, mummy will fix it!" Or "Don't worry I will sort that out!" Or the age old, "Let mummy kiss that better!".  I do a lot in my day that often doesn't get seen or acknowledged by anyone else. I think a lot also and that too is not very evident as I am always forgetting things.  In spite of all the things I think I do wrong, or miss, or even don't do, at the end of the day when my boys are tucked up in bed and I have said prayers and kissed them good night, that to them I am Wonder Woman and can do and fix anything. At least for now.